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I wasn’t there
you can see it in his images
my eyes far away
my hands on his—
it wasn’t what I expected
or wanted
and I didn’t know how to say no
when he begged me to ease his need
before he had to pick up his daughter
I thought I’d be brave
try a new way of connecting to art
try to see how someone might see me
appreciate me
desire me
love me
and I didn’t have clear boundaries
I was naïve and adventurous
stepping out of comfort
already
I wasn’t there
in the end, you see
in the negatives
my eyes are glazed over
far away
where everything is numb
far away
from his body
reveling
in my wet hands.


For poetry and more, visit Mecella.

by Jesse White

Published on October 30, 2024